Closer to a New Me

What a couple of weeks it has been! Last week's progress in my weight-loss journey was very disappointing. I got on the scale only to realize that I had gained back a pound, making my weight go the wrong way to 254 pounds. Not the way it was supposed to go.

If I were going to follow the old patterns of diets past I would tell people that because of the holiday (4th of July) and the random get-togethers I splurged. Or I would tell people that I was ill and that contributed to my lack of discipline.

However, if I am going to be successful this time, I have to be honest. That is the whole reason that I even started doing this blog - to remain honest with myself and accountable for my actions. The honest truth is that I got lazy and sloppy and let myself slack off. I didn't count out points for the foods that I ate, I didn't practice portion control, etc. I think people are seeing a pattern.

I believe that I really started taking for granted that I had been losing every week. Yes, it may have only been one pound, but for someone with my weight "issues" that is very dangerous. Just one pound turns into one more turns into twenty more.

So, it is my nature to get angry at myself for not being better disciplined. I didn't just let myself down, I let down those that are on this journey with me and remain structured and faithful to their plan. I let down my family who have expressed such pride in my efforts and success. And mainly, I let myself down. After some tears and a few stern words with myself, I kicked up my game.

I decided that I have a pretty good grasp on some of my issues with food so it is time to really put some focus on the exercise. This has been tricky for me because I have the age old mother's guilt for taking the time after work to get in a workout when Steve is not working. I mean, my kids are with a sitter all day, and then I come home, throw together a quick dinner for them, and then I am out the door again to work out. I have to remind myself that what I am doing is for their benefit too. They get to have a healthier, happier mother who might live longer. And I get to see my babies grow up and do all of the wonderful things I know that they are destined to do.

I go to the gym on the nights that my husband is off work to get in those really hard, long, painful workouts that I can't get squeezed in when I have the kids. When he has to work I take the kids walking and then I come home and after they go to bed I do an aerobics video and/or some Pilates. Add all of that on top of my regular household chores and I am really really active.

All of this leads to this week. I went down this morning and did my weigh-in. I was sure that I had shed my pound of shame gained the week before and perhaps a couple more. To my surprise, everything had paid off. Those beautiful numbers on that scale read 249! That is a loss of 5 pounds for the week. I even had Mexican one night. However, I learned my lesson and watched my portions and planned what I would have before I went.



Me at 249 pounds(total loss of 31 pounds since April 2011)

I have posted this picture. As any of my friends and family will tell you, pictures of me are rare. My children do not even have photos of me, and posting photos of me are always very risky and difficult for me. However, I feel that seeing the changes over time will help me to see what everyone else sees and it allows me to see where I started and where I end up.

This weight loss journey is not just about losing the weight for me. It's about losing all of the fears and insecurities that have prevented me from living the life I deserve and want. It's about losing my biggest excuse for not trying new things and putting myself out there in so many ways. It's about realizing my worth. And most importantly, it's about finding the real me who has been suffocated in a shell of fat and feeling of worthlessness.

I have to thank everyone again for all of the support that I received from friends and family. I have to thank my beautiful daughter, Chloe who is always quick to remind me that she thinks I am beautiful and always tells me how much I am loved by her.

THANK YOU!!!